routine

San Francisco awaits me and my camera bag. the excitement makes we wiggley.

but today - today I wait impatiently and document ideas. today I think about today. about my couple of miles waiting to be conquered. well, 'several' of miles is probably a better way to put it. today I will proclaim "it's f-ing cold out here!" as I usually do when the cold air smacks against against my bare arms and ankles before a run. I will make a gag and vomit sound while passing KFC as I usually do. and I will sneak a peak in to the kitchen window of this really incredible house on the route that has granite counters and amazing flooring and whisper "Jesus". like I normally do.

yep. no surprises in the role I play.

in other news...

...quitting coffee is extremely difficult if your co-workers ask if you want some every morning

...when will American Idol stop?

socks and sandals.

happy lunar new year.

there is a new project heading my way that I am very excited about. can't speak about it.. or I will probably jinx myself. so for now, mum.

back to the gym for my butt today. so much concentration on just sweating in general that the little J Lo I grew has dissipated. the first key is to always head in to the gym with a plan... a plan you have been thinking about all day in order to psych yourself up for it. the second key? patience. all those resolution breakers are still hogging the machines. wait for what you want rather than walk away to find something you don't want.
last but most important key: don't forget your wedding ring at work. because you'll remember you forgot it while you are running on the treadmill and you will have to leave immediately.
I am determined.

in other news...
...wind is an element I do not care for when running against
...tight stretch workout pants eventually wear out in the butt area and should be replaced at the first sign of see-through
...Fedor Emelianenko is amazing despite the fact that he wears socks with his sandals.

sigh sigh boo hiss

peculiar.

give the day a name and it all makes sense.

if only everything were that simple.


the sky is dirty white and if you stare at it long enough you can see a grain texture... that mimics snow falling.
adds false magic to the dreary day. nothing like lying to yourself every now and again to make things easier.

I could not sleep last night. moving to the couch usually helps but, it didn't. instead I just kept my poor dog up all night with the tossing and turning. at least I burned some calories. after dragging myself awake, driving to work in a blur, and sitting down at my desk I realized my shoe was broken, the armpits in my shirt were too tight, my hair is fluffy where it needs to be flat and flat where it needs to be fluffy, and my bra is squeaking.
sigh.

at least I have butt loads of girl scout cookies to look forward to next month. I ordered THREE boxes from this cute girl last weekend.... THREE because I love the cookies and also because I felt bad that my dog was viciously barking at her through the screen door. "he's part Beagle." is no excuse to an 8 year old. I also forgot that my cousin is a girl scout... and I got her phone call last night. two more boxes. sure, why NOT get fat for little girls right? that's ok. will they be there to support ME when I'm at the gym working off the thin mints that have accumulated on my inner thighs? I should start my own list with body parts listed instead of cookie types... so the scouts can sign up to support a body part. hanging arm fat. inner thighs. outer thighs. butt. cankles. fat on my face.
sigh again.

in other news...

...running is easy when done with a friend who listens

...as wonderful as chips and dip are, they should not be eaten for dinner every day of the week
...time to embrace the rain and just take photos in it
...as much as the air and trees may beckon me to join them, I still have a meeting until 5pm today that I need to attend. boo. hiss.

3 day weekends

it is Tuesday. disguised as Monday.
how inappropriate.


I have returned from the whimsical Monterey county. the pictures I vowed to take did not happen... thanks to football. the husband wanted to rush home. I thought at first maybe the rush was just because he loved me sooo much and wanted to spend the remainder of the day with me at home base. I should know by now that I am never right. I rushed us home so he could go watch the games his team isn't even in anymore at a friend's house while I sat at home NOT taking photos.
tis ok. my dog loves me and I love my dog so we we had a romantic evening together.


I was however, able to take some shots on Monday. tried some new things and learned some new things. I guess if that weren't the case, it would all have been a waste of time.


in other news...
...22 more days till the next 3 day weekend. dammit.
...the weather sucks. and it is oh so wonderful.

years

today was catch up day with my old manager. grabbed a bite and spoke of our weekends. our husbands. our moms. and then she asked how long it has been for me now.. working for the company I refuse to state the name of.
'10 years?' she asked me.
'what?! no. not 10 years.'
and then the thought process took place. I was first hired here when I was 18.. I am 27 now. and while I have changed jobs, worked part-time, taken time off... it's been almost 10 years.

where has the time and the dreams gone?

she looks at my face and her eyes always seem to read more than I think I am providing. she knows I want something else and that I have wanted that something else ever since she hired me 9 years ago. but instead of confronting our realizations with shoulda-coulda-woulda's, we spoke of the evolution of hope.
and a 60 minute lunch felt like 10 seconds.
bring on the remainder of the day.

in other news...
...3,124 steps thus far today. getting paid to sit is bad news.
...it is what it is

moving and not

a day like any other day. until I throw a stolen glance out of a shared work window while stretching my arms and back till they hurt, and find a hummingbird. flying still. 3 floors high above the ground. 30 + feet away from me. moving and not, at the same time. watching me. arms outstretched.. moving and not, at the same time.
and it zippered away like a figment of my imagination. even now I wonder if it was really there. or did I hallucinate in order to make the dull day more livable. I wonder how his day is going. if every day is as exciting or as methodical as the one before. if every moment that passes is an ecstatic heart beat, a celebratory journey to the nectar, or a constant repetitive strife for life.
hum.


my mouth tastes of coffee. I would prefer flower juice.


I have planned an escape. an overnight trip to Monterey next weekend to clear cobwebs, view unfamiliar landscapes, smell new air, and enjoy. just, enjoy. we plan on visiting some wineries, snapping some photos, eating some fresh seafood, and meander. I miss meandering. the art of walking without purpose, but not loitering. traveling with curiosity and an open mind. finding purpose in unexpected ventures. finding the nectar.
I cannot wait.


in other news...
...when an old man 'introduces' himself to you by simply asking "how old are you?", it is best to just walk away.
...the 'fitness zone' at the Campbell Community Center is a freakish area at night, resembling the Beetlejuice motel model scene.
...sadness evolves.

itchy bum

Friday... almost 5pm. I don't know about your work chair but, my work chair is making my butt itch.

ironically, it does not feel like a Friday. the end of the week happiness hasn't hit me yet. maybe it's my weekend goals and obligations that are a little daunting. or the trip to the track this evening that's putting a tight lid on the Friday smiles. either way, just another Friday. there are plenty left to be happy for.

in other news...

...the Aged Two Years fancy Irish White Cheddar cheese I have been snacking on for the past two weeks has found a nice home in my cheeks. the ones on my face.

...never have a photo taken of you while blowing those little whistle-blower-happy-new-year things.

...do not attempt to take an ab class in a quiet small room with strangers if you have gas.

steelers and bunnies

what month is it?

the dust is still settling in the house and in my brain from the last couple of weeks. there is so much added to my 'really really want to do' list that I am doubtful the remainder of 2009 has enough days to complete everything. and yet, onward I travel.

my friend's website is now up and running - photos sponsored by yours truely (website sponsored by Mitch).
http://www.totalfitnessbootcamp.com/
I happen to think that is quite exciting. and for anyone out there actually interested in his business, I highly recommend him.

the weather is looking brighter which is good for photos and good for running - two of my biggest celebrations and insecurities. I had been recently pondering picking up my beloved Canon FTb and shooting off a roll... but then I recollected my trip to the store to replace its battery... and the woman telling me those batteries are no longer sold in California. And it would be really difficult for me to find them anywhere really.
well shoot me and my hot air balloon out of the sky why don't you.
I guess I can resort to using one of my many other cameras... but there's nothing like the familiar grasp of the FTb frame and the sound it makes while helping me create.

weekend task: shoot some film.

in other news...
...football is being revived by the Chargers' desperate stretch for the supa bowl. I will be repressing all the years of Steeler cheering training in order to root for blue.
...is it 5 o'clock yet?
...is it Friday yet?
...Campbell track. tomorrow. seventeen thirty. it is a lousy date. but a date.

it's time

2009 has begun with the sort of bang I would rather do without. I haven't done anything beneficial to my body and I am getting strange vibes from friends that have now turned in to simple aquaintenances. when one wants to spend more time with someone else, than that someone else wants to spend with them, time to re-evaluate.
bummer.

I digress.

my Christmas gear will be going away today. I am giving everything it's last look at light before being packed in the garage for another year. my fake tree from the early 80's is staring out the window absorbing the diffused light imagining itself growing taller someday. garland will be tossed in to a bag and thrown on a shelf - not before losing some fake berries that will scatter all over my floors first though.
it was fun while it lasted.

in other news...
...alka-seltzer tastes good. if you didn't know that, then the last time you had one was years ago and it was the 'original' flavor.
...jamba juice should deliver. to my couch.
...clothes should not be kept simply for the stories they know. time to throw out that tank top that looked fabulous on me 5 years ago when I took my truck off-roading in San Diego.
...Crossroads are not just roads that cross. they are second-hand stores that carry magical belongings waiting to be discovered and placed in to my dresser to take up the space that off-roading tank top freed up.

i can do it

the last day of my 'working from home vacation' before returning to 'working from work' and I feel like I am in a cold and flu symptom reliever commercial.
bring it on.

while plugging away at numbers and letters and random data that I call a job, new years resolutions and ideas have been running through my head. I did not have any time to think of resolutions before the ball dropped but how crucial is the timing anyway?

among some of my goals and ideas for 2009 are...

• cook more. I've been doing great thus far - already accomplishing an amazing baked Honeycomb Rigatoni for some friends.
• work out BEFORE work. I've tried but have yet to be successful. this will be a challenge but it's worth a try.
• tackle short adventures. Healdsburg. Grand Canyon. camping trips. skydive. Oregon.
• complete my second duathlon and actually train for it this time.
• call people more. I spend so much communication time through email and text - purposely avoiding the awkwardness that becomes me when someone can actually hear my voice. this is going to stop.
• take someone's portrait and charge them for it. I am out of freebies.

that's one big list but, I am motivated.

in other news...
...no news at this time. mind is too busy 'working'.