The Evolution of Unicorns


it is what we did to look less like the hairier ape-ish creatures that sauntered around yesterday.

it is also what happened to unicorns between approximately 1984 and 2011.

let me explain...

do you remember ever receiving something from your parents, or grandparents... that - as a 5 year old - you thought was so amazingly amazing that you wore it every day; showed all your friends (who thought it was equally rad); wore it to the playground; dance recitals; gymnastic tryouts (that you didn't make but at least you looked good); a walk to 7-11 with dad; soccer practice (even though you were required to remove them during play); and 6-piece chicken McNugget Happy Meal dates?

well - I do.
I loved those unicorn earrings that my Papa got me. I loved them so much that he got me another pair the following year. a unicorn t-shirt the year after that. a unicorn necklace after that. unicorn folders for school. unicorn beach towels. unicorn coloring books. unicorn magnets. unicorn stickers on my scooter. unicorn stickers on everything.


with unicorns on them.

until eventually - on my 20th birthday - I told Papa I preferred money.
now I get fake money with President Unicorn heads printed on them. good one old man.

the point of the moral of the story of the evolution is that... the best time to be in to something is when it's OUT (but - be sure to obtain proof that you were in to it before it was cool. otherwise you just end up writing crap like this to explain to no one about your obsession with unicorns that you then grew out of and are now wishing you had some leftover memorabilia of in your parents' basement).


in other news...
...I witnessed a mom accidentally drop her toddler's pacifier in the Safeway parking lot the other day. she cleaned it by putting it in her own mouth. I then proceeded to barf.
...Easter candy is now available at the grocery stores. I continue to buy purple Peeps even though I have perfectly good marshmallows and sugar in my cabinets at home. in my defense, it's the bright colors that get me.
...Girl Scout cookies are being delivered this week. g dammit.