pew pew

BUT IT'S ONLY 11am!!

my 12 year old cousin shouted at me as she found me eating a Thin Mint cookie from her pantry.

I AM 32, AND AWAKE. THOSE ARE THE ONLY REQUIREMENTS NECESSARY FOR COOKIE CONSUMPTION.

while my aunt and uncle drank their way through Carmel over the weekend, I 'teenage-sat' their 16 and 12 year old kids... ensuring no one lit their farts on fire or ate an entire bag of Lay's potato chips.

it was a pretty simple gig really. except when we all decided to go shopping, and I lost my car keys.

OH, I HAVE THEM. the 16 year old said.

WAIT, WHY DO YOU HAVE TH..... then I see his driving permit in his other hand.

enter first hot flash.
my hands and pits are instantly sweaty and my face flush. just yesterday I was wiping their butts (exaggeration), and now I am racking my brain over my car insurance policy and imagining all 3 of us dying because of my poor decision-making.

I quickly interviewed him on his experience.
HAVE YOU DRIVEN IN THE DARK? THE FREEWAY? SUICIDE LANES? TOP-HEAVY CARS? 4-WAY STOPS? WITH SUNGLASSES?

after hearing all the right answers, we were set to go. until the 12 year old thought of a question for me...

WAIT - ARE YOU OVER 25???

I could not have loved her more than I did at that second in my life. not bothering to answer her question, we headed to the store together.

and truthfully speaking - after being instructed to STOP dancing while driving - my cousin is pretty good!

in other news...
...in case you were wondering, the permit rule requires 1 licensed, over 25-years-of-age person be in the car.
...after giving me a hard time about a Thin Mint at 11am, my younger cousin proceeded to pour 3 tablespoons of syrup on her waffle. and then ate a donut. HMPH.
...an epic Nerf battle seemed to be the proper celebration for no *new dents on my car.

blue and bluER

on Thursday, Romeo was 6.
on Friday, Romeo was 7.

weird how birthdays work that way.

since he can not speak English, I told everyone we saw IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY TODAY!! (after about the 5th time, I felt crazy. not a BIT crazy. rather, full crazy)

everyone reacted in the same happy manner though, saying something like OHH IT IS?? HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUTIE! (which was weird coming from the dusty and decrepit "zombie" man in my complex) then I would walk away proudly as Rome made a birthday-doo.

truthfully speaking though, I strongly dislike pets' birthdays. it reminds me that Rome is not forever - he has an expiration date.
I hate that.

as a kid, I would spend maybe... one day a month mourning my at-that-time-alive cat's future passing. we would lay on my day-bed together buried in stuffed animals and frilly pillows. she would purr, I would cry.

what a waste of a perfectly good ball-throwing, roller-skating, cat-playing, dirt-throwing, mom-yelling day.

so rather than curling up in bed with Rome (sans stuffed animals since I am old now), we went for a long walk together.

happy birthday to my favorite pooper!

in other news...
...you know those moments in shows and movies where brave (or stupid) people (or blondes) open doors in dark places?.. goosebumps and chills wave through your body? within a matter of a few seconds, these people have determined going in this room, turning this corner in search of a murderer or alien (or whatever Dr. Who is looking for) is a necessary thing.
it takes me 10 minutes to kill a spider.
in bright light.
after mapping out a detailed plan AND backup plan.
with NO scary music.
...I made cheesecake for the first time. also? I ate HALF OF A CHEESECAKE for the first time.
...Rome's birthday walk led to 1 mile's worth of blue and bluer trees.

January's Jupiter

did anyone else notice how clear the sky was last week?
(before, you know.. the clouds and rain came to town)

the stars were CRISP... considering I was viewing them from my own eyeballs-minus-telescope in a light-polluted suburb. there was an especially bright planet near the moon which... after confirming with my Sky Map app... I discovered I had *accurately guessed it was Jupiter. 
*coughshouldhavebeenanastronaut

inspired by that, my Dr. Who-infested evenings, and insomnia... I opened my Sky Map app last night while waiting for sleep. sometimes I imagine how different it would be living in a city... like San Francisco or New York. where having a car is a hardship; living spaces are smaller; one-way streets are everywhere.

then I see the stars.
what's SAN franCISco?? LOOK out there! it is fascinating. completely different. an endless amount of wonder and curiosity that goes beyond any unfamiliar street or losing-of-sleep. I roll over in bed to see what people on the other side of the world have above them.

Neptune, Mercury, the Sun... and a Capricornus that looks like Romeo doing yoga.

silly Romeo.

in other news...
...LED street lights will be installed in San Jose. they will NOT contribute more to light pollution (yay).
...luge. or as I like to call it, HOLY SHIT!!
...I KNEW Bob Costas had poop in his eye. I DON'T know that vodka will help with that...

"you dress terribly"

my coworker leaves fashion magazines on my desk when I am not around. I can take a hint.

so in an attempt to better my work appearance, I decided to pick 2 'looks' out of the magazines. after plucking apart my closet and wondering why I still have this 5-year-old-sleeves-are-slightly-too-short turtleneck... I THINK I found a few things.

likewise, after back-to-back skirt-wearing days, I rushed home to throw on my Levi's, grab a 6-pack of Marzen, and eat a pizza. (almost turned in to a girl there)

in other news...
...nylon. first produced for a toothbrush. then for women's legs. amazing how much more comfortable the toothbrush is.
...you know what is a bad idea? farting in a closet.

5'8, 210lbs, male with short hair, dark plaid long-sleeved button shirt

EXCUSE ME MISS?

a feeling of dread rushed through me and I quickly made sure nothing fell out of my pockets. the mysterious guy that had just passed by me during my late night walk with Romeo had decided to turn around, walk back toward me, and get my attention.

after facing him, I scan his features, height, and clothes - I am going to be able to accurately describe this man if need-be.

WHAT BREED IS YOUR DOG?

Romeo gets this a lot and normally it is not a question that causes alarm. but in this case, it is dark. really dark. too dark for him to have any interest in the breed of my mutt that would require him to change direction and catch up to me.

How did you even see my dog? I asked him.
he did not answer.
He is Beagle Pug Chihuahua.

OH, BEAGLE CHIHUAHUA while watching Romeo pee on something.

No, Beagle PUG Chihuahua.

OOH, BEAGLE CHIHUAHUA. (again)

clearly he was not listening to me and this convinced me further that he did not care about what he was asking.

IS HE A PUP?

Actually he is almost 7.

OH REALLY. He bends down to let Rome smell him and I imagine myself punching him in the throat if he hurts him. Rome obliges, sniffs his hand, and looks at me for direction: bite? no bite?

Ok well, have a good one! I say. sweat has soaked through my clothes during that short exchange and I zip my jacket down a bit as I walk away from him and closer to street lights. turning my back to him was uncomfortable but moon-walking to the corner was a bit far.
glancing back to ensure I was not being followed I see he is still standing there. staring.

JUST WATCHING he shouted. I walked faster.

TIGHT LITTLE ASS! I walked much faster.

upon arriving home, every lock was locked, every blind was blinded, and I stared out my peep-hole for 20 minutes.

needless to say, I have changed my walking route.

in other news...
...Olympics start tonight! I am happy to have Polina Edmunds (figure skater) to root for... she is a sophomore at my high school, Archbishop Mitty. proud!!
...does anyone ELSE find it ironic to cast Robert de Niro in a role that calls for paralysis to half of the face?

how does that make you feel?

"my office moved" my doctor said as she escorted me through the halls.

upon entering it, I realize it looks exactly the same and that I might possibly be having an Inception moment.

"the windows are slightly bigger" she added. oh ok. (very slight)

her uncomfortably sanitary couch is my 'safe' place.

safe to say what I want; how I feel (no matter how stupid); that dumb thing I did last night that I do not understand. she does not judge or gasp; compare or look at me in a way that makes me feel wrong. instead she listens, prompts me to find answers to my own questions, remembers the names of people in my life, and laughs when I say something funny.

(I bet she has a lot of friends)

coincidentally, her waiting room could not be more opposite (I exaggerate. it could be more opposite).

it is a room shared with other doctors and is typically decorated with someone that is sobbing, someone that is talking too loud about personal stuff with a stranger (who is trying to get away), someone still in their pajamas, someone complaining loudly about the water cups being cone-shaped, someone deciding this is the best place to dump everything out of her purse and clean it. on the ground.

sigh. those stupid cups.

in other news...

...the big spider I smashed in my bedroom last week was more impressive than this year's Super Bowl. at least I did not dirty my shoe for it.

...being stressed, worried, not sleeping, and not eating is resulting in me doing dumb things to my boyfriend. or is it the other way around?

...how do you stop a Ruferee from throwing flags on the play?