5.14.2008

Kathleen vs. the People

it has come to my attention that the 27 year old I have grown in to is either majorly narcissistic or strongly pessimistic. either way, I know I hate her.

every moment of the day, no matter how unimportant, is broken down in my mind by irritability levels. sleep included. it happens without me realizing it. an automatic reaction. a fight or flight uncontrollable motion. It just, happens.

please tell me I'm not the only one… who considers him/herself ‘bothered’ more times in a day than ones heart beats.
I would list the ‘botherings’ but it's all too embarrassing to reveal. the little things turn in to piles of record-breaking heights and the more months that seem to pass the stronger these my-head-is-going-to-explode and it's end-of-the-world feelings get. am I alone in this self-pity empty-well of a 'future'? for the sake of this being my blog, let us say yes. And this is why: because friends advise me on how to fix my ailments rather than relating to me. I should do THIS to fix THAT, and THAT to do THIS. can anyone just understand. just sit, and understand. Everyone providing me with solutions tells me I am the only person inept enough to not think of one myself.

my job doesn't seem to help the situation. knowing this desk and this view is what I will see every day until I get fired or decide to change it myself makes me exercise my snooze longer and longer each morning. nonetheless, I refuse to call that lady back from the massage therapist college admissions that I contacted the other day. apparently, I'm not one for voice.

And thus, it appears I have issues with people in general. anything having to do with them. Which is ironic because, I never want to be alone.

So, what’s the answer to THAT? I vote narcissistic.

what family doesn't hold hands

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