action items -by Romeo Lindenmuth

my mailman 

- not OK. must bark with high pitch at the slightest scent.

anyone's mailman 
- not OK. same as above.

any mailman's car, in any city, any where 
- not OK. but not as evil if unoccupied.

any person with a leaf blower, lawn mower, vacuum, or motorcycle (even those 3-wheeled ones) 
- not OK. nibble wheels or boots if possible.

anyone behind my front door 
- not OK.

anyone at my front door with the door open 
- OK. smell crotch and / or punch penis.

cat that runs away 
- not OK. deserves to be run after.

cat that does not run away 
- OK. but awkward. makes me throw up in my mouth and swallow it.

dark large pipes on the side of the road at night from the car 
- not OK. growling sufficient.

person walking towards me from 2 blocks away wearing baggy pants and a hat 
- not OK. bark but also wag tail just in case.

something that lady drops on the kitchen counter that resembles the sound of a burglar breaking in 
- not OK. prepare to get sprayed with water bottle.

real squirrel 
- not OK. must destroy.

stuffed squirrel 
- depends on if I just saw a real squirrel.

groceries 
- OK. open bags with face as this is my duty.

children talking outside 
- OK.

adults talking outside 
- not OK. clearly they are plotting against us. must sound bigger in my barks.

something I did not hear 
- not OK. but this will get me attention. prepare for possible water bottle spray.

anything that could be made smaller 
- not OK. make it smaller. barking / growling not necessary.