don't think. know.

how do 3 weeks go by in a blink of an eye? that just doesn't seem right.

every evening I fight the departure of the sun... seems like before I know it, it is midnight and I need sleep. yet when someone asks me how my day was, or what I did last week, I would tell you it was dull. it was boring. and I don't remember it.

breathe.

in a couple of minutes I will be off to the gym at work.. the toughest part of my day aside from dragging my tired ass out of bed this morning. yummy burgers for dinner with my husband... and then a whirlwind of a weekend involving photo prep, winery adventure, San Francisco graduation, film meeting, birthday party, Berkeley concert. I am tired already. I hope to fit in some couch-sitting with a bottle (yes bottle) of wine... or pool-dipping with a mojito disguised as water so I don't get kicked out.

one can only hope.

in other news...

...Kris Allen. really? I bet he becomes good friends with John Mayer, Ben Harper, Jack Johnson, Jacob Dylan.. or any other artist who he sounds like.

...too much leg press weight + too many repetitions = back and spine bruises with an unrelated but inevitable fear of getting older.

...hellooo... I'm Cat Deiley.. and this is... so you THINK you can dance!!

eyes and minds

dream tracking entry #1

an old friend from grade school - who I have not seen since running in to her at the gym 2.5 years ago - was showing me her route to get home in some foreign place. it involved a train and a bus and I was thoroughly enjoying the adventure and catching up with such a pleasant person from my past.

in the midst of switching from train to bus I saw another friend... one that I no longer speak to. as we stood at the same bus stop avoiding one another from 10 ft away, my anger at her built up and, after short deliberation, I convinced myself that she deserved to hear me. so I whipped around and stood in front of the small patient bus crowd and said...

I was a genuine friend.. anything for you I would have done

I cried with you, celebrated with you, did nothing and everything with you

and in return you walked away.

in return, you said no.

in return, you said sorry.

in return, you acted like you never knew me.

and as the small patient bus crowd accepted me with surprisingly sane eyes and understanding minds, she turned around and walked away like she never knew me. I watched her get smaller and smaller all the while making excuses in my mind... maybe she just realized she missed her bus. maybe she's thirsty and is walking to a cafe. maaaaybeeee she was never there.

in other news...

...4 cups of coffee should fix this restless sleeping and dreaming problem

...oooh why not make it 5

...ok. time to reorganize the entire house

...oh heck, why not build a new one

...oh look, my running shoes! let me go on a quick run

...work work work, laundry, rose pruning, wall washing

...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

6 packs in 4 places

Big Sur.

Los Angeles.

Las Vegas.

Lake Tahoe.

all 4 in less than 3 months. which I initially thought sounded like much less time than what it reads as. nonetheless, an exciting 3 months. an anniversary, a film festival, a bachelorette, and a wedding.

sounds like a summer blockbuster.

only better.

in between the flying and driving, I am looking forward to the cycling. it has been a long time since I hit the trails and roads instead of the gym and frankly, I am a little scared to leave my routine. at the gym I know I can run, leg press, single leg squat, wall sit, ab crunch, and butt blast my way through 60 minutes non-stop and be sore for days. those machines and tools have my body groves engraved in them somewhere...

but the trails and the roads? they can promise me only one kind of workout. can I be mentally satisfied with this? only one way to find out.

in other news...

...So You Think You Can Dance? bring it on.

...6 pack 6 pack 6 pack 6 pack. maybe with enough focus it will happen.

...does anyone remember when Biggest Loser contestants were HAPPY with losing weight even if they didn't win? sigh.

Sur Big

a new day a new plan.

Nick and I have scheduled a trip down to Big Sur at the end of the month... we are going on marriage year #2! who else could put up with my psychotic rants, mis-pronounced words, constant need for glasses of random liquids from the kitchen, and super woman strength? no one. he is special.

other than hiking and enjoying the amazingness of Big Sur, we plan on eating at the Big Sur Bakery & Restaurant which I cannot wait for! their somewhat disorganized and homey-feeling website has my expectations raised for a down-to-earth fancy feast.
and check out this hike... how can you say no to that??
with the weather improving weekend after weekend, Big Sur should be peaking by the time we get there!

speaking of weather, it allowed me to do another photo shoot this past weekend. I visited the Rose Garden with family in tow... the sun was sunny, breeze breezey, and roses rosey. we could not have asked for a better day OR better company!

in other news....
..one should not reward oneself from refraining from dairy successfully by eating everything non-dairy in site
...roses shouldn't be given foodie names unless we are allowed to eat them
...don't chew gum if you are getting your picture taken

meatballs and mass

holy meatballs it's May.

mm meatballs.

speaking of food, my husband and I had a delicious dinner the other day - not meatballs but, full of yum nonetheless. threw some asparagus in the oven with evoo, salt, pepper, and a few wrapped in a narrow slice of prosciutto... as well as a whole baby portobella painted with the same seasonings. meanwhile, I whipped up a dijon / lemon / evoo dressing for a spinach salad and BAM. a quick dinner that tasted superb.

and it just gets better...

I made us a pizza the other night with half carmelized onion & pear, and half portobella mushroom and prosciutto. need I say more?

the weather has been a big zap in my creative flow recently. it is either windy, rainy, or cold when I have shoots scheduled... and perfect weather when people already have plans. I managed to sneak a few at my cousin's recent First Communion celebration but I went in to the event with different expectations so it doesn't feel 'real' to me.

I have 2 shoots scheduled for the next 2 weekends... hopefully the weather will be nice to me.

in other news...

...it is possible to do sprints on a treadmill without flying off

...day 2 of 'absolutely no dairy whatsoever' is going smoothly

...day 2 of my new 'picking at everything' habit is filling the dairy void but causing some pain

grab your cup, and sip

I had a quesadilla for lunch. it was loaded with cheese. damn this lactose intolerance.

after a recent bout with TMJ my diet has adapted even tighter restrictions. the lactose intolerance requires me to leave any and all forms of dairy behind... even a teaspoonful. any itty bit throws my stomach in to turmoil. TMJ cut out ice-chewing, gum-chewing, and any sort of meat gnawing that I might feel like doing.

well today, today I live my life to fullest - beginning with a quesadilla for lunch. maybe I'll treat myself to a dollop of sour cream as a snack later. a slice of pizza for dinner. chocolate for dessert. ah yes, I dream.

my photography business is slowly launching. slowly but surely. and correctly. I feel that the past couple of months have allowed me to build a solid portfolio... different faces, different places. once my website is perfected and published, endless possibilities!

in other news...
...club soda should not be mistaken for water.
...7 more months until the next holiday that will introduce decent chocolates in to my world again. 7 months is a long time.
...after two years, my dog is now officially a dog. 'fetch' is finally part of his listening vocabulary that functions properly.
...my husband recently asked me how one wears a cup. last time I checked, the only goods I have that require a cup also require a tea bag and hot water. so I say, "On one's hand honey".