so I have really been tearing apart my own brain recently. swinging faster than grandfather clock pendulum seconds between running and not running. running and not running. runningandnotrunning. runningandnotrunning.
I feel like I can't take myself seriously anymore because of my indecisiveness. I started writing two weeks ago about the half-marathon I had chosen - but I didn't publish it. as if, in case I changed my mind, at least it was never 'official' anyway. this disappoints me. I disappoint me.
and then during one of my methodical drives home from work that you don't remember because you do it every day, I made a connection. my junior year I confronted my coach and told him I wasn't going to play this year. I choked up and embarrassed myself and he didn't believe me. and I guess I didn't believe me either because I got myself out there and had one of my best years. then I didn't play my senior year.
and to this day, I hate that choice I made.
and now here I am about to make another stupid decision like that followed by who-knows-how-many years of regret.
the truth is, I am 26 years old. recently married. planning to have kids in 2 years and 2 months (exactly). and if there is any time in my life in which it is fitting and within reach to run a half-marathon, it is NOW.
time to change the past.
1 comment:
I'm glad that you have decided to run a half marathon. It is a great accomplishment that few people can say that they ever achieved. I've always thought running was a great way to experiece being alive. To test the boundries of what you are physically and mentally capable of achieving. You might be in a race with thousands of people, but when it comes down to it, its really a race agains yourself. I believe that you can do it Kath. It will be hard and there will be moments when think you can't go any longer but you'll just have to keep pushing. But let me tell you, when you cross that line you'll be in even more pain but its dulled by the satisfaction of your accomplishment and hidden by your esculated sense of pride.
You can do it Kath Kath. I believe in ya.
Post a Comment