12.14.2007

call me doctor

Fashion Analyst

I promote myself from Direct Content Specialist (what is this? I'd rather not articulate) to Fashion Analyst. over the past couple of months my interior fashionista has ripened and my wardrobe has grown three fold. while I still feel the constant need to expand my collection, I think I have finally hit that point in my life where I no longer wear the same ensemble to every party. and let me explain why this is important.

maybe I am the only one of you in this boat but, it saddens me to see people at work who are stuck in 1982 business attire - or worse, 1990. all those pictures you see at the Intel museum from the 80's with people in server rooms wearing tapered jeans, bright tennies, mustaches, and frizzy hair? I see them every day today. in the year two thousand and seven.

if within the last 10 years you have worn a top the same pattern as your pants, an argyle shirt with red white and blue, an outfit that consisted of entirely the same color, or pants that are just too short but you put them on anyway* - let me slap you in the face in internet space. what were you thinking?

seriously start considering throwing out your dresser now in its entirety (because it's probably ugly too) and get yourself a new piece of furniture and a Vogue magazine. flat-irons exist for a reason - and it isn't to put those pleats in those purple pants you wore yesterday. can your belt double as a watch band? is it white with little hearts on it? I wore that when I was 10. throw it out.

I'd tell you to go to Crossroads (that nifty stylish little second hand store) but I don't trust you. to fix your closet ailments I recommend a trip to Heritage 1981, H&M, Urban Outfitters, Express. take a trip and call me in the morning.

*Except on the night of Halloween which is the only night it is okay to wear your 20 year old favorite sweater and / or Madonna inspired mesh top.
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